Words that remain unspoken.

I wait

And I have waited since the first time I fell in love, or so I think it was love.

Waiting for the one person to enter my heart, my soul, and take over my body and mind.

And it was when I first heard you, my computer speakers radiating a voice,

It sounded like it was calling from the sky.

I looked up and I saw you from my computer screen

 And I knew that I wasn’t dreaming, I was really alive

Because before you

I felt I was in dream, the world so fucked up to me,

It made me internally scream

It sounded just like depression

Until I was able to find my form of expression

Through these words

I bleed.

You see.

You opened up a world so new to me,

Where happiness comes first and I don’t have to dare to be

Your one and only.

I am now in a world where its half euphoria and half reality

And I’m loving this new feeling that inside of me.

Because every time I see you

Even if its just on a screen

A smile plants itself on my face

And I grow weak.

But this poem isn’t about love,

But the gratitude growing so feverishly in my heart.

And I want to thank you

Because I don’t know what happiness would be without you.

I wouldn’t know what walking through central park would be

In the spring time.

I wouldn’t know what making love would really feel like

And my body wouldn’t love itself as much as it does because of you .

You made me see things in the mirror

Ever so clearer

And you helped me appreciate this curvy figure

Because to you its perfection

And although I am far from perfect

You still tell me everyday

How lucky you are

And those eyes don’t lie when they look at me.

I finally see this beauty in me.

And so I wait.

Cherishing every single day

until you’re here with me

and just like soulmates

our bodies will unite as one

and through this process of making love

we shall live eternally.

I just think its funny,

how you look at me

and pretend you don’t feel anything.

Love me please.

I am not a feminist

let me explain why

because these white women don’t understand my struggle

they don’t see I have my own fight. 

I live in a world of intersectionality 

where my race and sexuality 

are intertwined 

and I’m begging for my own equality. 

One that is color blind

one that doesn’t just focus on patriarchy

but takes into account that I am a 

womyn. 

A queer womyn of color. 

And until these feminists can see that my struggle 

is not just dependent on the being between my legs, 

but the fight I have overcome with society

then maybe just maybe 

I can call myself a feminist. 

But until then, 

I am a warrior and I will continue to be one. 

Fighting not just for womyn’s rights, 

but those of my mujeres and jotas. 

I’m drifting further away

from the umbilical cord that pulls at my heart.

Falling into the abyss of my mind

where rain nor sunshine

enter

leaving me to wonder whether or not I can…

grow.

There is something inside me that wants to show its true colors. 

But I am afraid of letting it out. 

Maybe. 

I look into your eyes and for a second I see us

our future, 

our kids, 

our lives together

and you know what?

It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. 

I want to live in your eyes forever,

because that is the closest thing to perfect. 

Wow, I am much happier this month. 

I think I will switch to happier poetry lol

Things have definitely changed since the last time I was here. 

I cried so much last night, my eyes are so tired today. 

They are sore and it hurts to keep them open. 

I don’t know how I feel. 

Its all just numb. 

I need to get away. 

This time I am not wiping the tears 

that slowly waltz

down my face. 

LDR

Tonight, my love

I watch as you sleep

peacefully, enjoying the stillness of the night.

I watch as every memory of us flashes before my eyes,

then quickly fades,

just like time.

I long for every kiss and every hug

emerging from our bodies connecting as one.

I long for your presence to be ever mine.

but for now it seems

the closest you and I will always be

is a reflection on a computer screen.

I just want to be alone with you.

Thats all.

I’m sorry for getting grumpy and “making your life miserable” then being “dramatic” about it.

I just want it to be you and I. Not you and I and other people because that’s usually how it is when I visit you.

But its okay. Just want you to understand that sometimes I just want to be selfish about it. I need to be needy sometimes.

I’m sorry that I’ve been in bad moods lately. You should already know why. I am not handling this all too well. Just try being in my position. There is a lot I haven’t told you about back home because that requires me tell the story all over again and I don’t want to do that.

I just want to love you. I just want to love you alone.

I need to regain my independence.

I am blessed with knowing that her heart fits perfectly with mine

and no matter how far we are from each other

its a matter of time

before we are close enough to 

touch

and feel that slow gentle kiss against our lips. 

With each kiss, 

my world spins, 

faster and faster

until I can no longer take it and 

I cry to the heavens above

thanking mother earth

for such a divine treasure. 

She touched my soul

when I was so fragile

and crippled…emotionally. 

She came and took my hand, 

told me it was going to be alright. 

Kissed me

and took all my sins away. 

But even with that kiss

the one that was sure to save me

I still feel dirty.